Dating & Christian Singles Advice | John Giftah | Vivian Williams (Iconic Worship) Interview (Part 7)

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0:41 Speaker 1: Welcome to Fuel for the Soul with John Gifta.

0:50 Speaker 2: And when you talk about being a Christian single, I

0:53 Speaker 2: think you're a Christian singer to day. I'm a Christian

0:55 Speaker 2: singer too. I think there's this one aspect I do.

0:59 Speaker 2: I don't know, it's very sense to talk about it,

1:00 Speaker 2: but it's like you, you don't want to do ministry

1:04 Speaker 2: with an intention of getting someone. But there are people

1:08 Speaker 2: who have made this mistake like or given this bad

1:12 Speaker 2: you know image. Oh, this guy's doing ministry because.

1:15 Speaker 3: He wants to hang out with the girls, you know

1:17 Speaker 3: what I mean?

1:18 Speaker 2: And because of some people doing that, a lot of

1:21 Speaker 2: people are affected from actually taking any step, you know

1:24 Speaker 2: what I mean? Like sometimes people tell me, oh, you

1:26 Speaker 2: have this ministry, aren't that girls in ministry contacts and

1:30 Speaker 2: things like that. But for me, one of the things

1:33 Speaker 2: that holds me back is like, you know, we see

1:36 Speaker 2: in the current stage because of somebody else, people who

1:39 Speaker 2: make that mistake of going in the wrong direction and

1:42 Speaker 2: spoiling the image. You want to play professional, but at

1:47 Speaker 2: the same time you need to at some point say that, oh,

1:50 Speaker 2: you know what, I'm also a single waiting for another single.

1:52 Speaker 2: You know, like, how do you think you as a

1:56 Speaker 2: Christian single? You're juggling this space?

1:59 Speaker 3: Yah about.

2:02 Speaker 4: Dating and being in mystery, right, it's a very very

2:07 Speaker 4: controversial topic because if you look at in the Bible,

2:10 Speaker 4: the Bible doesn't really talk about dating.

2:12 Speaker 3: It talks about only marriage.

2:14 Speaker 4: There is no there's no worse in the Bible where

2:17 Speaker 4: it said Abraham took Sarah and date. Okay, But of

2:23 Speaker 4: course when you see it in today's time and age,

2:27 Speaker 4: you want to spend time with someone and get to

2:29 Speaker 4: know them before getting married.

2:32 Speaker 3: The first thing would be to ask if that is

2:34 Speaker 3: God's will. If that is God's will, you.

2:41 Speaker 4: Will find that person also can't even talk to that person,

2:46 Speaker 4: you know, because today, especially Iconic Worship is a young

2:50 Speaker 4: youth group, a lot of people go on trivial until

2:53 Speaker 4: God told me about my wife, and uh, you know,

2:57 Speaker 4: it's caused a lot of mess. So I usually recomen

2:59 Speaker 4: people and telling you know, you've got to stole you

3:01 Speaker 4: keep it to yourself and just pray for that person

3:03 Speaker 4: and you've got a real to that person.

3:05 Speaker 3: Yeah, that is the first thing. The second thing.

3:09 Speaker 4: Would be, uh, as leaders is it is important for

3:13 Speaker 4: us to set an example because whatever we do automatically

3:19 Speaker 4: becomes like okay, is allowed whatever we do. So I

3:23 Speaker 4: would say, if God is revealed to you that that

3:28 Speaker 4: is your wife, and if God is revealed to the

3:29 Speaker 4: wife that is your husband, then keep it under wraps

3:33 Speaker 4: for some time and make it official by getting engaged

3:37 Speaker 4: and yeah, and then get married and not to date

3:41 Speaker 4: for too long and not too because that's what all

3:44 Speaker 4: the problems are caused. And once you date somebody and

3:48 Speaker 4: then you break up and you date someone else, you

3:50 Speaker 4: break up, you date someone else, you break up, your

3:51 Speaker 4: impetition goes down the line. So yeah, I would I

3:56 Speaker 4: would recommend that you know God, ask God's will if

3:58 Speaker 4: that's a person for you, and if that's the person

4:00 Speaker 4: we don't infront about it. If that post is meant

4:03 Speaker 4: for you, sure he will come and God will reveal

4:06 Speaker 4: to that person as well. And when God gets you together,

4:12 Speaker 4: you know, like see what does the next step immediately?

4:17 Speaker 4: You know, especially I think you know you don't know

4:20 Speaker 4: the right age for marriages. We have, I know, happily

4:23 Speaker 4: married people at the age of eighteen. You know, happily

4:27 Speaker 4: married people at the age of forty. So you know,

4:29 Speaker 4: you never know what God's plan. So merely get married.

4:33 Speaker 4: Because if you stay in the dating phase for too

4:36 Speaker 4: long as a leader, and if you're making it very

4:40 Speaker 4: public as leader tomorrow using your lifestyle as an example,

4:46 Speaker 4: people might do that for all nonsense.

4:48 Speaker 3: You might not do nonse.

4:49 Speaker 4: You might be walking in God's and you want to

4:50 Speaker 4: be walking in still life. But then people might use

4:55 Speaker 4: our lifestyle as an example and tell their pens. So, John,

5:00 Speaker 4: you've tased doing so why can't I do?

5:03 Speaker 3: You know? So that's sort of to be my advice for.

5:06 Speaker 2: Dating, But I also want to ask more about the

5:10 Speaker 2: aspect of how do you approach with that? In like

5:13 Speaker 2: in the sense what I'm saying is you're talking in

5:17 Speaker 2: terms of like getting into actual dating someone and stuff. Right,

5:20 Speaker 2: Like I'm saying, how do you signal to like you're

5:25 Speaker 2: single or you're waiting for this or you're praying about this,

5:28 Speaker 2: like in a subtle way because you're in ministry, you

5:32 Speaker 2: like or I'm in ministry where you want to signal

5:35 Speaker 2: like two potential opportunities like you know, I'm single and available,

5:39 Speaker 2: or but how do you do that without letting your

5:44 Speaker 2: guard on being professional at the same time understanding that

5:48 Speaker 2: you're human.

5:51 Speaker 4: See, the fact of the matter would be that you

5:57 Speaker 4: can still be how do I put it? Just like

6:02 Speaker 4: how you spend that I'm pretty sure the way you

6:05 Speaker 4: talk to your friends in ministry and the way you

6:09 Speaker 4: talk to other people professionally are different.

6:11 Speaker 3: M correct.

6:13 Speaker 4: Yeah, again I'm not telling one is uh, what do

6:17 Speaker 4: you say honorable less honorable? It's it's you're just comfortable

6:22 Speaker 4: more with you. So I think when it comes dating also,

6:27 Speaker 4: you know with if if you know that's the person

6:29 Speaker 4: for you first, I would you know you would obviously

6:33 Speaker 4: be friends with that person. And I truly believe that

6:35 Speaker 4: with all the with all you respect, with every principle

6:40 Speaker 4: in the Bible, you can still be friendly with them,

6:43 Speaker 4: You can still be yourself with them.

6:45 Speaker 3: Just because you're.

6:46 Speaker 4: A man of God doesn't mean that you're like you're

6:49 Speaker 4: just like okay, you know, hello, Praise Lord, hallelujah. All

6:53 Speaker 4: the times you don't talk about anything else you open

6:55 Speaker 4: the Bible, that's Adam Eve David.

6:58 Speaker 3: No.

6:59 Speaker 4: You know, with just similar to how your Christian friends

7:02 Speaker 4: you talk about world events, you talk about fun stuff

7:05 Speaker 4: happening around the world, you talk about good food to eat.

7:08 Speaker 4: You know, sometimes people forget that Christian leaders are still humans.

7:16 Speaker 3: Yeah, they forget that big time. They forget that a lot,

7:20 Speaker 3: and they know, what is it gonna tell us? Very nice?

7:26 Speaker 3: Forgot the point? Just killed mind.

7:30 Speaker 4: But yeah, but the baseline about us being humans and

7:33 Speaker 4: us having a good time as having fun while still

7:37 Speaker 4: having upholding by Biblical principles is very much possible.

7:40 Speaker 3: You know. It's not like every time you open it just.

7:42 Speaker 4: About Bible blah blah blah blah blah, yah YadA ara,

7:46 Speaker 4: come on, I would get bored.

7:47 Speaker 3: Yeah, I would get bored.

7:49 Speaker 4: You know, there are stuff you can talk about but

7:52 Speaker 4: still upholding Bible values. One thing I see which is

7:55 Speaker 4: really really wrong in my aspect, especially in the story

8:00 Speaker 4: is when a man of God marries another woman of

8:02 Speaker 4: God only with the sole reasons she would help in

8:06 Speaker 4: the ministry.

8:07 Speaker 3: So stupid. Yeah, it's you're a preacher.

8:10 Speaker 4: It's you're a preacher, and you're like, Okay, if I

8:12 Speaker 4: get a girl who sings, yeah, if you're a singer, oh,

8:15 Speaker 4: I can get a goal to place an instrument.

8:18 Speaker 3: It's very logical. This is like very transactional.

8:23 Speaker 4: True, it's like, okay, I'll have a singer for lifetime.

8:26 Speaker 4: I'll have measures the life mission for lifetime in the

8:28 Speaker 4: ministry at the end, goal, forget ministry, forget everything. You're

8:32 Speaker 4: a man, she's a woman. Do you really like her

8:35 Speaker 4: as a person? Yeah, you enjoyed spending time with her.

8:38 Speaker 4: Do you like talking to her?

8:40 Speaker 3: You know?

8:40 Speaker 4: Do you like walking with her? That should be the baseline,

8:43 Speaker 4: and upon that, these are the added benefits. She sings, great,

8:46 Speaker 4: she can help in the ministry. But keeping that as

8:49 Speaker 4: the sole reason why you're getting married, you're sacrificing your

8:52 Speaker 4: personal life. Yes, you know, at the end of the day,

8:55 Speaker 4: after all the ministry, after all the halla buzza, will

8:58 Speaker 4: you guys get back home? Can you talk together? Can

9:01 Speaker 4: you have a five minute talk as human beings. Can

9:03 Speaker 4: you make each other laugh? Can you make each other

9:06 Speaker 4: feel safe? Can you make each feel secure?

9:09 Speaker 2: Yeah?

9:09 Speaker 4: Can you make teaches feel loud? Can you make each

9:11 Speaker 4: other feel valued? That's the Chaceline say that is not there.

9:16 Speaker 4: You can be a great minister of God. She can

9:18 Speaker 4: be a great, great minister of God. And while you

9:21 Speaker 4: probably when you get together, probably your ministries might look

9:23 Speaker 4: very powerful.

9:24 Speaker 2: Yeah to force us, Johnny, but aty you still have,

9:28 Speaker 2: you are still broken.

9:29 Speaker 4: Yeah, you have to go back to your dinner tables

9:31 Speaker 4: and top at them as a human Yeah.

9:34 Speaker 3: That so. Yeah, I think sometimes we Christens forget that.

9:38 Speaker 2: Yes, we I think a lot of times, you know,

9:40 Speaker 2: since you were talking about it, like they over spiritualized

9:43 Speaker 2: this whole aspect. God gave me this very powerful revelation

9:47 Speaker 2: from for Samuel sap to sixteen. It talks about a

9:51 Speaker 2: moment when Saul, sorry Samuel, I know, in the next

9:54 Speaker 2: king of Israel, and he goes to Jesse's house and

9:58 Speaker 2: all the sons are light up in except for David.

10:02 Speaker 2: First thing is he doesn't choose one of the sons

10:04 Speaker 2: of Jesse just because they are the options in front

10:06 Speaker 2: of him, right, like a lot of times people just

10:09 Speaker 2: look at what other options and just okay, choose one

10:11 Speaker 2: of the options. He was led by the spirit of God.

10:15 Speaker 2: And the other aspect is that a lot of times

10:17 Speaker 2: people say, see there's this verse which says, right, God

10:20 Speaker 2: doesn't look at the outward, he looks at the heart.

10:24 Speaker 2: Right man looks at the outward, and say they quote

10:27 Speaker 2: that one particular part and then they say that, see,

10:30 Speaker 2: you should forget how the person looks, forget about physical attraction,

10:33 Speaker 2: forget about chemistry, and just oh, if they're serving in ministry,

10:36 Speaker 2: they're into you know, like they can help you over there.

10:39 Speaker 2: You know, on paper everything looks fine. Just go and

10:42 Speaker 2: marry them. Right. But then God was like, when you see,

10:46 Speaker 2: Helia was very attractive. But then God, that's when God

10:49 Speaker 2: responds with this answer, saying, you know, God looks at

10:52 Speaker 2: the inside and not the outside. But if you see,

10:55 Speaker 2: the first definition of David once David comes into the

10:58 Speaker 2: picture was not that he was a man of for

11:00 Speaker 2: God's on heart. Actually, if you see in the ultivation,

11:03 Speaker 2: it says he was dark and handsome with beautiful eyes.

11:07 Speaker 2: In another translation it says, it's a very fine appearance,

11:10 Speaker 2: very attractive. He was talking about his physical appearance, and

11:14 Speaker 2: that's when God was showing that you know, yeah, first

11:18 Speaker 2: thing is you need to wait for your David. The

11:20 Speaker 2: one that God leads you to, and the one that

11:22 Speaker 2: God leads you to is also someone you want to like.

11:25 Speaker 2: Is also going to be someone you're actually attracted to.

11:28 Speaker 2: It's not like just close your eyes and marriage just

11:30 Speaker 2: because they have a good heart, you know, like Christian's

11:33 Speaker 2: have made this whole thing with that per se And

11:37 Speaker 2: that's I think is one of the biggest reasons why

11:40 Speaker 2: there's such a rise in the worst cases. There's all

11:43 Speaker 2: of these things happening imbalance. And the other reason I

11:46 Speaker 2: told you about why we want to be really careful

11:49 Speaker 2: as leaders is because I don't want to be pessimistic.

11:52 Speaker 2: But I see a lot of ministers. The minute they

11:55 Speaker 2: come and reach higher levels, girls just come out of

11:59 Speaker 2: the you know, like how to say this, like this

12:02 Speaker 2: case happened twenty five years ago, and you know, stuff

12:04 Speaker 2: like that they bring out. So there is this thin

12:07 Speaker 2: line where you need to be careful not to give

12:11 Speaker 2: opportunity for something like that to prop up lato. But

12:14 Speaker 2: at the same time you were led by the spirit.

12:16 Speaker 2: At the same time you are projecting that you are

12:19 Speaker 2: single and available.

12:21 Speaker 3: Yeah, that's right. Balance, but it's not easy.

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